Be still and know that I am God.
Psalm 46:10

Wednesday, September 3, 2014

When Your Best Is Not Enough

I spent the last month in rigorous training for an Editor position through one of the mystery shop companies I shop for. It has been a stressful, to say the least. First off, I never should have signed up for a new job when my kids were still home from school, and while we were in the midst of summer activities. It was hard to keep my mind focused on learning a new job, but I decided to stick it out.

So I spent this last month brushing up on all of the grammar, capitalization and punctuation "rules" that I haven't visited in a long time. I was loving every minute of it. What threw me was how steep the learning curve was to this job. It was much, much more than just correcting grammar mistakes. The amount of  attention to detail that this job required was overwhelming. And this comes from a very detailed-oriented person.

I LOVE the written word ( as if you didn't know that by now). I've kept journals all of my life. I love it when my kids have a report they want me to "correct." I love catching misspellings, grammar mistakes and flow. I am the first to notice when a sign is misspelled! It drives me crazy. I will stress about where the comma or semicolon should go. I text out words as much as I can. Call me a ' geek,' and I'd probably agree with you.

I got this love for the English language from my all-time-favorite teacher, Miss Roybal. I remember spending time during recess or after school just talking about another way to 'word' something. I love it when I come across a word I can't spell. It challenges me each and every time. The most recent word was anesthesiologist (a tough one right?). Now I won't forget it :)

The final "test" for this position was yesterday, and last night I got an email that I failed it.

Yep! Failed. The email was a See-ya, have-a-nice-life type.

Phew! I was really looking forward to being an Editor. This has been a tough one to swallow. I went into the test with the resolve to "do the best I can" despite all of the challenges along the way. I already had jumped through many hoops just to get the chance despite the little money I was getting paid. I knew going into the test that I was against many odds.

In the hours since that email, I've had a lot of time to think and contemplate. I am thankful to my loved ones who knew the right things to say to me afterwards. I am thankful for the encouragement along the way. I am thankful for the BIG hugs from my family last night.

This whole experience got me thinking about this small little book on my bookshelf called, The Four Agreements: A Practical Guide to Personal Freedom by Don Miguel Luiz. It is a sweet treasure. If you have the time to read it, please do. One of the agreements the author says in his book to living a life full of joy and happiness is, "Always do your best." He has three other agreements that will transform your life.

When I think about this test,  I know that I gave it 100% of me. I tried. I gave it my all. I hit that "submit report" button, and I knew that I did the best I could.

But....What if your best is not good enough? Then what?

That's when phrases like, It wasn't meant to be, and God's got something better in store for you, and Their loss and I believe in you and When God closes a door, He opens a window, and What doesn't kill you, makes you stronger all float into my mind. All advice from the people who love me. But essentially I take in this truth:

In God's eyes, my best is enough.

In the end though, it comes down to what I believe about this trial in my life and God's place in it. In the big scheme of things, does this job really matter? Do I believe that God is in control or not?

And I have a funny feeling that the lessons learned through all of this are going to far outweigh the disappointment. Interestingly enough, I caught a glimpse of this in the sky last night after my news:

I choose to believe the promise of the rainbow: 

Remembering that God loves me, and that no matter how bad the storm, there will always come a bright new day.

I hope you believe this, too.